THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE:

I put this page together with the hope that it will help to improve the written and spoken English of people who read it. One of my idiosyncrasies is that I am abnormally annoyed with improper use of English (especially when it is the only language of the person who misuses it). Of course, my English is not perfect by any means but I am always striving to make it so. I am constantly building this page as I come across more and more misuses of words. The vast majority of these are homonyms but not all.

Assistance and Assistants: The first is a noun meaning rendered aid while the second is a group of people that help; the plural of assitant. An example usage of both is "the assitants provided us much-needed assistance".
Bear and Bare: The first is used as a noun (a large, hairy mammal) or a verb as in "grin and bear it" or "bear with me." The second is used as an adjective or adverb (i.e. "the bare brush was worn bare from use") or as a verb meaning to get naked as in "you're gorgeous so please bare yourself in front of me."
Brake and Break: The first is a device for slowing down or the act of doing so while the second is a rest period or a verb meaning to destroy and make not functional. The second could also be used as a noun referring to a damaged region of an object.
Buy, Bye, and By: The first is a verb meaning to purchase or a noun referring to the item purchased, the second a dismissal as in "see you", and the last a preposition for example "by the lake".
Cite, Site, and Sight: The first means to quote, the second is a location, and the third is a noun meaning vision or seeing.
Clause and Claws: Clause is either a group of words with a subject and a verb or a section of a document. Claws is the plural of claw, a sharp nail on a foot or hand, or the third person present tense of the verb to claw (meaning to scratch).
Desert and Dessert: Although not homonyms, these two words are commonly misused in writing. The first is a dry, sometimes barren environment. A dessert is a tasty food dish usually served at the end of a meal.
Do and Due: The first is a verb meaning many things, including to work, perform, complete, and happen (i.e. "I do many things"). Due serves as an adjective meaning something owed, expected, or enough as in "the rent is due". It can also serve as a noun referring to whatever is owed (i.e. "pay your dues").
Dual and Duel: The first is an adjective meaning of two or double. The second is a noun or verb meaning a fight or to fight. Used in a sentence one would say, "He dueled the duel with dual pistols."
Fair and Fare: The first is an adjective meaning equitable or just and is also a noun which is a gathering or festival. Fare is a fee for use or entry. One could say, "Pay the fare to enter the fair."
Four, For, and Fore: The first is a number, the second a preposition, and the last a noun or adjective meaning the front. For example, it would be correct to write "for four days, the sailor sat alone at the fore of the ship."
Gail and Gale: The first is a name. The second is a strong wind. For example, "Gail watched the gale kick up rough seas from her deck.".
Hangar and Hanger: The first is a building that typically houses aircraft. The second is a device used to hang things.
Its and It's: I was even guilty of this one for a time because I was never using "its". "Its" shows possession while "it's" is a contraction of it is. The possessive form of its is truly a quirk of the English language since it goes contrary to the rule of adding an apostrophe and an s at the end of a word to show possession as in "the dog's tail." If I were the creator of the English language I would get rid of "its" entirely and stick to "it's" to make the language more consistent.
Know and No: The first indicates understanding, memory, or realization while the second expresses negativity.
Ladder and Latter: The first is a noun which is a climbing device used to ascend or descend. The second (or latter) is an adjective that refers to the last of two things mentioned.
Lessen and Lesson: The first is a verb meaning to decrease. The second is a noun referring to a portion of a learning experience. One would correctly say "The environmental science lesson taught us how to lessen the impact we have on the environment."
Loose and Lose: The first is an adjective meaning not tight while the second is a verb meaning not won or not in possession of. Those of you who say these two words aren't actually homonyms are correct, too. But they are often misused so I included them here.
Loot and Lute: The former is used as either a noun or verb meaning something stolen of value or the act of stealing. The latter is a musical instrument. An example sentence using both is, "The loot included an antique lute."
Mail and Male: Mail is an item that is sent or a verb meaning to send. Male is a noun referring to the masculine sex. Properly used, one could say the young male sent the mail (but you'd sound like a dork if you said this).
Marry and Merry: Marry is a verb meaning to wed. Merry is an adjective meaning happy and good-spirited.
Mast and Massed: The first is a noun that is the vertical pole supporting sales on a ship while the second is the past participle form of the verb "to mass". Thus, one would properly write that the recently produced mast was added to those massed in the shipyard pile.
Medal and Metal: The first is a decoration given for some act or feat or to commemorate a special event. The latter refers to the elements or compounds made up of more than one of the elements that tend to reflect light when polished and conduct electricity. As an example, it would be correct to say that the medal was made out of metal.
Past and Passed: The first can be a noun, adjective, adverb, or even a preposition referring to a former time. Passed is the common past participle form of the verb "to pass". A sample sentence using both is "In the past he was passed over for promotion."
Patients and Patience: The first is a group of people receiving medical care while the second is the quality of being able to wait and tolerate delay. One could write that the patients were full of patience while waiting for the doctor.
Peak and Peek: The first is the summit of a mountain. The second means to look at. Used in a sentence, it would be something like "I peek at the peak every morning".
Pour, Poor, and Pore: The first is a verb that means to spill out, the second an adjective that means not rich, and the third a noun meaning a small opening.
Residence and Residents: The first is a noun that refers to a dwelling or the place someone or something lives. Residents is the plural form of the noun resident which is simply a person who lives at or in a residence. So, one can correctly say that the residents live at their residence.
Role and Roll: The first is a noun that is a part or function something plays. The second is a noun meaning a baked piece of bread or an object that has a spiral shape. Roll also serves as a verb to refer to a circular motion. A sample phrase using both is "his role was to roll the roll across the table."
Sea and See: The first is a body of water while the second is a verb describing optical recognition and vision.
Scent, Cent, and Sent: The first is a noun meaning odor or smell, the second a noun meaning a measure of money, and the third the past participle form of the verb send.
There, They're, and Their: The first is a location, the second a contraction of "they are", and the last shows possession. I see these three words misused on an almost daily basis. When I type quickly I will sometimes even type one of them while thinking of another. To use them in a sentence one could say "Over there they're writing about their greatest accomplishments."
There's and Theirs: The first is a contraction of "there is" and the second shows possession. For example, it would be correct to write "There's a marble and it is one of theirs".
Threw and Through: The first is the past tense form of the verb to throw. The second is a preposition (shows relationship between two subjects). For example, "He threw the ball through the air."
Throne and Thrown: The first is a chair for royalty while the second is the past participle form of the verb to throw. For example, "The crown was thrown onto the throne."
Two, To, and Too: The first is a number, the second a preposition or the start of the infinitive form of a verb, and the last means also or in addition. A sample sentence is "If you go to the store and buy two cases of beer you, too, can get drunk!"
Wait and Weight: Wait is the imperative mood of the verb "to wait" and commands that someone remain where he/she is. It can also be used as a noun to refer to the act of waiting (ie. the wait was too long). Weight is a noun that is a burden, an influence, or a measure of the force of gravity.
Warn and Worn: Warn is a verb meaning to notify, advise, or inform as in "You warn me all the time not to waste money". Worn is an adjective meaning damaged from use or exhausted (i.e. "worn shoe") and is also the past participle form of the verb to wear as in "the hat was worn yesterday".
Waste and Waist: Waste means to use up, to consume inefficiently, or is a noun referring to something not wanted (ie. refuse, garbage). Waist is the narrow area (for most people) of the body between the ribs and hips.
Way and Weigh: The first is commonly used as a noun referring to a path, direction, or method but it can also be used as an adverb showing distance. Weigh is a verb meaning to measure the heaviness or importance of something.
Weak and Week: Weak is an adjective meaning without strength or, in slang, without substance while week is a unit of time consisting of seven days. Used correctly, one could say, "I felt weak for the entire week."
Whether and Weather: The first introduces alternatives while the second refers to the climate.
Where, Ware, and Wear: The first inquires about location and the second is an object for sale. The last means to don or place on the body and also to use or expend or as a noun referring to the expenditure of an object (i.e. the wear on those jeans).
Write and Right: The first means to form or record words or characters. Right is the opposite of left, a state of correctness, a priviledge, and more (look it up in a dictionary to see all the meanings this word can take).
You're, Your, and Yore: The first is a contraction of "you are", the second shows possession, and the last, although rarely used, means long ago. Mostly I see people mixing up the first two. To use them in a sentence, "You're crazy to think that car is like your car of yore!"

On to and Onto: Both "on" and "onto" are prepositions. Therefore, the phrase "put it on to the table" is incorrect. The correct usage is "put it onto the table." The phrase "move onto a better location" is incorrect. The correct usage is "move on to a better location." Where I have seen misuse of these two phrases quite frequently is with the verb log on when referred to a computer network. It is incorrect to write "log onto the network" and one should instead write "log on to the network." Why? Let's use the verb run as an example. The infinitive form of the verb run is "to run" while the infinitive of log on is "to log on." Therefore, it is correct to say "I want to run to the stage" when using the infinitive to run. Notice how a space is placed between "to run" and "to the stage"? I didn't write "I want to runto the stage" just as I don't write "I want to log onto the computer" and instead write "I want to log on to the computer." The infinitive verb form is always separated from the preposition by a space.

Inflammable vs. Flammable: Here's a great example of how some idiot in the past let the language develop contrary to convention. Why is it that inflammable and flammable mean the same thing, something easily ignitable, yet indestructible and destructible are not the same and in fact have meanings opposite to one another? Indecisive and decisive are also opposites as is every other combination of words with "in" as a prefix for one of the pair. Only inflammable and flammable mean the same thing. Stupid.

Gender: One thing (among others) I feel is lacking in the English language is a gender neutral third person singular object. The first person, I, does not imply whether the person is masculine or feminine. The second person, you, also gives no clue as to the person's gender. So why must we use he or she when referring to an individual in the third person? When the gender of the person referred to is unknown you must, by structure of the language, choose to exclusively address either a masculine or feminine person. Sure, you can write or say "he/she" every time you wish to refer to a single person when gender is unknown but this is cumbersome. To follow the standard of the first and second person the language should have been developed to use "it" or some similar word to refer to all objects in the third person regardless of gender. Then we would never have to worry about his/her, he/she, or him/her and instead would use its, it, and it, respectively. One thing worth nothing is that many people (I'm guilty here too) make the mistake of substituting the third person plural object when they should use a third person singular object. In other words, if you don't know the gender it is not correct to use "their" because "their" is a plural object and refers to a group of people or things. For example, I could correctly say "Surfers must wax their surfboards before entering the water." But it would be incorrect to say "Any surfer who wants to enter the water must wax their surfboard first." Instead, since only a single individual is referred to, that should be "Any surfer who wants to enter the water must wax his/her surfboard first."

A great source of guidance for correct written English is the book Writers INC by Sebranek, Kemper, and Meyer. I've been using this book as a quick reference guide since 1989 and wholly recommend it to anyone who wants to improve his/her English.

I received the short essay below via e-mail. I'm not sure who originally wrote it but it further illustrates how crazy the English language is.

Reasons why the English language is so hard to learn:

1. The bandage was wound around the wound.
2. The farm was used to produce produce.
3. The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4. We must polish the Polish furniture.
5. He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6. The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7. Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
8. A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9. When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10. I did not object to the object.
11. The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12. There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13. They were too close to the door to close it.
14. The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15. A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16. To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17. The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18. After a number of injections my jaw got number.
19. Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
20. I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
21. How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
22. [My own] She was told to again read what she had already read.

Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple.

English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France.

Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.

We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write, but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, two meese? One index, two indices?

Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend.

If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.

In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?

Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race which, of course, is not a race at all.

That is why when the stars are out they are visible, but when the lights are out they are invisible.

PS. - Why doesn't "Buick" rhyme with "quick" ?????

And then there's this one which was given to me by my friend Brian, the nice guy who hosts all these pages of information on his web server:

For Those who Reed and Right:

We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes; but the plural of ox became oxen not oxes.

One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese, yet the plural of moose should never be meese.

You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice; yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.

If the plural of man is always called men, why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?

If I spoke of my foot and show you my feet, and I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?

If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth, why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?

Then one may be that, and three would be those, yet hat in the plural would never be hose, and the plural of cat is cats, not cose.

We speak of a brother and also of brethren, but though we say mother, we never say methren.

Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him, but imagine the feminine; she, shis and shim.

Let's face! it! - English is a crazy language.

Usage of the word America: Who is an American? I would describe an American as anyone who lives in America. Thus Cubans, Argentineans, Peruvians, Canadians, Brazilians, and others who live in any of the number of countries in North, Central, and South America are Americans. So why does everyone assume that talk of Americans is talk of only citizens of the United States? If I say I know an Asian that doesn't necessarily mean the person I'm speaking of is Chinese, for example. If I say I live in Europe that doesn't necessarily mean that I live in France. Thus it follows that if someone talks of America or Americans one should not assume that person is speaking of the United States or its people.